Can I Be Them?

I have never held a desire to work with children or in the field of education.

But for some reason, the Lord encouraged me to get a Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing, with a desire to teach at the college level.

Then somehow, I began working as a Kindergarten Assistant at the private Christian school where I attended kindergarten.

Now, I did not think I was good enough to be accepted into a writing program, nor did I believe I was equipped to work with five year olds, whatsoever. Then, all at once, I was accepted into both programs I applied to and fell absolutely in love with Kindergarten.

I could not understand how I found myself working on this degree to write and teach older kids, also working with these amazing kindergarteners and these sweet, Godly women of teachers. Yet it was such an unexpected privilege where I found myself, and it all felt like me.

*Cue 2021*

I no longer found myself just dating either, but now engaged. It was great until I quickly grew stressed and miserable, and nobody knew. Then I found myself unengaged and broken, and everybody knew. But if I am certain of anything in life, it is that God places us exactly where we need to be, in the perfect position, to receive more of Him.

And He needed to take me back to a position to see Him and His goodness, all over again.

***

A few weeks after that night in March, I was having a chat with one of my kiddos. His name is Danner, and he could keep you on your toes, whether by action or by word. The following story involves both:

We were on a penny system for discipline, where the children could buy treats in the class store if they had enough pennies by the end of the week. However, Danner was not making the best choices with his actions this day at recess. I told him he owed me three pennies, and he accepted his consequence. Returning to the classroom, he came to my desk with his three pennies.

I took my seat. “I know I said three, but you can just give me one.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and immediately asked, “Are you having grace with me?”

I, too, furrowed my eyebrows and immediately asked, “What are you talking about? I’m asking you to give me only one penny.”

He spoke slower and louder. “ARE. YOU. HAVING. GRACE. WITH. ME?” He held up his two pennies. “You’re giving me something I don’t deserve!”

I sat there, dumbfounded.

The Lord proposes that the Kingdom of God belongs to those who walk like children. This child had the capacity to recognize the grace at work in his life and the words to communicate it. Meanwhile, I was stuck, looking at my situation all wrong and lifting up the wrong words.
I needed to be walking like Danner.

This whole idea of grace is God giving us something we do not deserve. It is a gift!

I was grieving, unable to see where God was at work in my life, giving instead of taking. I kept begging why, instead of trying to say thank you.

My being at this private Christian school was the grace of God in my life. I was in the boat, Lord knowing the storm was on the way, and those children, teachers, and staff were the lifejacket I was going to need to survive. This school is my gift. They were there, at 5 years old, teaching me about Jesus, and at 25 years old, reminding me of all His goodness.

God had to take me back and place me where it all began, re-learning the walk and the talk of true, childlike faith. In all my hurt, walking up and down the hallways of that preschool, I needed to remember what it means to be a Child of God – safe & secure, innocent as doves, eager with expectation, full of faith, beaming with joy, and loved beyond measure.

I never want to stop learning from these children, or walking in their ways, because the loves and hugs of a 5-year-old will change your life.

I am so very thankful for my time in preschool: my teacher who read me Bible stories and taught me so many new things about Jesus, my kiddos who made me smile every single day, the hallway of women who encouraged me and shined for Jesus, the staff who prayed for me, and the boy who became my best friend…

But above all, I am most thankful that I get to be a Child of God - forever and always.

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